This is the story of a driver of a Little Red Hyundai who think she's behind the wheel of a Little Red Corvette and who's got issues.
So I was driving down the mountain this morning, on my way to the town of Arecibo to do my food shopping, this red Hyundai sedan appears in back of me. Now full disclosure, I do tend to fly down the hill, so what happened next surprised me.
The Little Red Hyundai got a little aggressive with me, as if to suggest I wasn't driving fast enough. I thought about pulling over but each opportunity I had, there was a car parked or a person standing there.
At this point I should share that the road leading to town is pretty narrow. Most points are large enough for one car in each direction but at some points it's too narrow for even an oncoming car to pass.
So unfortunately for the Little Red Hyundai, I had to make it all the way down the hill and to the first light (three blocks away) before the car could pass me.
I never saw the driver of the Little Red Hyundai on my mountain road but I did when it pulled up next to me at the light. I look to my left and this woman (yes, I was surprised) looks at me and starts yelling, "Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!" Yes, in English and with no accent. How had she known English was my first language?
I just gave her a look like, "lady, take a chill pill. You're going to have a stroke!" But I didn't give her the reaction she was probably hoping for. I turned up my music (George Michael's Listen Without Prejudice) and decided to ignore her.
After the light turned green, she sat there, so I just stepped on the accelerator and drove.
Suddenly there she was and she accelerates really fast to jump in front of me, so she can turn right before me. As she passes me, she again yells at me, "Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!" And she speeds passed me and nearly hits the car in front of her.
I make my way to the gas station and fill up. I put the music back on and forgot about her.
Little Red Hyundai Returneth
Now it's about 2:50 and I am on my way home. Back up the hill I go and about halfway up the hill, guess who's suddenly in back of me? Yes, Little Red ... Hyundai. Aggressive as she had been this morning, I again hope I can pull over but now it's close to kids leaving school and there are many moms in cars and the bus driver that would prevent me from pulling over. I decide she's just going to have to wait. Tough luck, huh?
Less than a mile from my house, I did finally pull over to check my mail (yes, our bank of mail boxes is about a mile from our house). I stop, put the emergency brake on and walk to the mail boxes. I know she's in back of me (I can see her out of the corner of my eye) but I ignore her.
Again with the "Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!"
I continue ignoring her. I get back in my car and start down the road. She lays her hand on the horn. I ignore her and put my music up loud. This time it's Bob Marley's got me "irie man."
I get to the home of a friend and because they have speed bumps, I have to slow down. I take the opportunity to say hi. I had no intention of actually stopping and getting out but to not stop at least to say hi is rude.
Little Red Hyundai rests her hand on the horn again. Well, I think to myself, it's bad enough she's been hostile toward me (for what? I dunno?) but now she's being rude to my friend. I decide I have actually had enough. I say to my friend, "Perdóname." (Pardon me.")
I put the car in park and get out. I turn around and I say, "¡Coma mierda con un hueso de pollo y muera! ¿Cual es tu problema? Tranquilla!"
Well if you know any Spanish, you know that I said something very vulgar and was the first complete sentence I was taught by an ex boyfriend's mother. It means, "eat shit with a chicken bone and die. Relax." That ex boyfriend and his family are Puerto Rican.
I am not proud of what I said to the driver of the Little Red Hyundai and honestly it was the first thing that popped into my head. Of course if I had given myself time to think, I wouldn't have reacted, but I do actually feel better now. 🙂
My friend was astounded. I never curse around her but she laughed so hard.
Please forgive the bizarre formatting. I have no idea what happened.